Returning home: to myself.
A reminder in what's important.
Whenever I return home to Canada on my annual pilgrimage to be with loved ones and snowboard as much as I can (oh, and fall into a heap due to exhaustion from the year before), I am always reminded of who I am, deep down.
Now, I don’t believe that I put on a mask when I return to Australia but I suppose it has not felt overly safe or spacious to do anything but look after family and work. The last seven years have felt like one giant fucking long season of waking up, going to work, keeping family members alive, repeat.
So when I return home, I also return to nature, and my whole body does this giant exhale. By week three of being back in Canada, I feel calm. The books in my home remind me of a girl on a path to working as a nutritionist full-time and trying to help the world heal. The trees around me remind me of the herbal medicine that I believe in and would concoct and suggest for others for their ailments. When I am walking through my community, I am reminded of the days spent by the lake or the ocean or trail running through the forest and how good that felt.
Most days in Australia I am exhausted. I love my work but I am tired. And by the time the weekend rolls around, I don’t want to do anything. And that is very much not like me at all. Coming back home, I get inspired to want to return to teaching yoga, teaching people about the power of food as medicine and all things woo-woo and nurturing and lovely.
Whenever I meditate recently, I am taken to a tiny house in the wilderness of Tasmania. We travelled there last year and it was gorgeous and moody and still. It was like being back in B.C. It was perfect. And my soul exhales there too. It’s no wonder I go to Tassie annually now, if not more.
I have longed for the girl who trail ran most days and went to the lake to cool off, who was on a perpetual quest to learn everything about off-grid living and growing food to nourish. I know she’s there, and I am on the path to finding her again. I know I have been thinking a lot lately about what needs to change overall to get back to equilibrium and I am certain the answer is discovering what I want versus what others want. Hence why one of my requirements of my 45-day retreat is to try new things so that I can move the mind in ways it hasn’t before to unlock the answers.
It feels like a delicate balance as an adult, with aging parents or other responsibilities, about the right way to go so that you respect yourself while also not saying fuck all ya’ll and peacing out. One I have no doubt I’ll find soon, if I just remember that the time is passing anyway and it’s important to not let the wintering season, or sacred pause, last too long before it’s too late.